writing

My musings/writings/learnings

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Musings with an emotional charge

Self sabotage and my response to it

Thu Mar 26, 2020

Cool. You don’t wanna make yourself better. I get it. Your parents and the orthodox society that they’ve grown you up in have killed any desire in you to do better or improve through continuous effort. You see only the flaws in yourself and take refuge in angrily comparing yourself with others. You don’t objectively think about obstacles and have never learnt to apply analytical and planning methods to structure your improvement. Be it in life, personality, thinking or mentality. Because that’s what you grew up with. And that has stifled all your creativity and imagination.

Sit in the mold. As much as you like. Nothing will improve if you just keep waiting for it to change without putting in your own efforts. I grew up in a similar situation but your childhood somehow fucked you up beyond recovery. I sympathize with you and will keep you in my prayers.

It’s been six years of me trying to teach you to adapt and think analytically. I’m tired now. I don’t see a shred of effort. Ever. God knows how many times I have said this same thing over.

ok I will work on it.

Awesome.. I’ll pray for you. Just like your mother..see if that will change things instead of mentorship and encouragement

be all sarcastic you can

I am not being sarcastic. I am too angry to think of jokes. I have literally written you the script and handed it to you. Many times. Trying to see if you can follow simple instructions of hard work. Things that challenge your will power but are good for you. You have failed me too many times now. I know I can’t take a break from trying to help you. But God! This is exhausting on another level. Frustrating. So, I’ll just do what others around you are already doing. Sit with you. Shout at you to make you comply with my standards of idiocy. Without actually offering logic or some ideas as how you can change. I am going to look for a fault in my own stars and think this will all go away if I burn some incense sticks. Maybe that will drive the demons away.