My musings/writings/learnings
I wrote this one when my father passed away on October 10th, 2019. This was written in a group chat with my friends. Diwali holidays were coming up and some had decided to stay back in Bangalore and party. It still makes me tear up whenever I read this. My father was troubled with depression and schizophrenia. What got to him in the end was diabetes compunded by his heart condition. His body went in to something known as ketoacidosis. His heart wasn’t strong enough to support his recovery. We knew he had a heart condition and he was getting treated for it. We found out later that he had a severe LV dysfunction that he said nothing to anyone about. This, he knew since 2016. All his financial assets were mostly liquified between 2016 to 2019. He knew what was coming. He never spoke of it. All this time. What’s most painful is the fact that he was living alone during his last months in our house in Chittorgarh. And me and my sister had an option to visit him in August mid. But we decided against it. We’ll go another time, we thought. He was the kind of man that I try to live up to every day. Highly analytical, thoughtful, compassionate and very very grounded as a person.
So, I wrote this in the most vulnerable of positions I have ever been in.
We all think we have time to meet family. And then we become lazy and selfish in our childish endeavours. I didn’t do enough. I feel guilty. I kept following these stupid stuffs and completely ignored my family just for running around and goofing. All these years. While my father sat here in depression. I didn’t help him. I knew how to. But I didn’t. I was so so stupid. He built all these houses. With so much thought. Every detail was thought out. All he wanted was for us to like it. All he ever wanted was for his kids to live with him and love living there. And what did I do. Didn’t even speak to him properly. Kept postponing meeting him. Look where it got me. Please don’t make the same mistake. Go and be with your family as much as possible